If you’re a single woman, let me remind you that you are the prize. You should embrace this mentality during singleness because let’s be honest, at times, we don’t view ourselves this way. For us Christian single women we tend to believe our suitable partner will come once we’re ready or are walking in purpose, but how will he if you don’t see yourself as one? How can he pursue if you’re not positioned? For those who struggle to walk confidently as a single Christian woman while you wait for God’s best, this series for you!
For a long time in the Christian community we single ladies always hear men do the “pursuing,” our job is to wait to be pursued. Right? That’s just how it is and we should accept. Besides, naturally we prefer a man to show interest and make it known. However, there is something we haven’t heard enough from Christian relationship coaches and in singles conferences. What is it you, say? Men are pursuers but we have a role, too. Yes—your role as a Christian woman is being a “positioner.” Now, you might have heard people say, “Prepare for what you prayed for” and “Get in positioned.” Often when we hear this it has to do with praying for our future spouse, enjoying our own company, and focusing on our purpose until “Prince Charming sweeps you off your feet.” But if you ask me? I’ve never seen or heard someone share the practical aspects the Bible shares with us singles ladies on how to position ourselves. Not only that, I’ve never heard anyone use the term “positioner” before and for this reason many single women delay themselves from meeting their future spouse.
For this reason I wanted to make myself available to study the stories of Rebekah, Ruth, and Esther, how they met their future husbands. As I studied, I realized these women were positioners. These women didn’t wait for an opportunity to come to them to be found they became the opportunity their future spouses we’re looking for. The prize they’ve been searching for and waiting to receive from the Lord. Another thing I recognized about all three women is that neither of them were “thirsty or desperate” to be found. Instead, they were ready to be found and there readiness manifested in their willingness to carry-out-a-plan that was bound to produce results. These women were full of faith and action. You see, sisters, a positioner is someone who recognize they are the prize and so they strategically position themselves to be seen as such. Often they don’t need to say a word because their essence and actions speak on their behalf. My hope and prayer is that this post and series would encourage you to embrace your role as a positioner to be found by your future spouse. I believe many of you are waiting on God to bring him but God wants you to be like Rebekah, Ruth, and Esther in this season to connect to your Isaac, Boaz, or King Xerxes. Maybe for some of us, we’re still single because we choose to be? You’re afraid to position yourself because someone just might take notice in you and that comes with fear of falling in love or getting your heart broken if they do. Those are some things we should think about. No matter how much you desire a godly relationship or marriage fear can keep you away from it. Yup! Some of us believe it’s simply not God’s timing and God is like, “No, it’s because you trust fear more than me.” Let’s learn from these ladies to boost your faith to become a positioner in this season and attract the one God is leading to pursue, YOU. Are you ready?
Alright! Earlier we defined the term positioner but now let’s clarify the concept of “prize mentality.” Someone with a prize mentality does not see themselves as the prize when they feel like it, or sometimes. No, you see yourself as the prize all-day, every day! Which also means you treat yourself and others with truth, love, and utmost respect. When we speak more on Rebekah, Ruth, and Esther you will see these ladies all had prize mentality. No matter where they were or who they were with, they treated everyone with the same level of truth, love, and respect. Thus, it was impossible for others not take notice in them. It was impossible for them to not be seen by their potential suitor. Having a prize mentality makes you the most attractive person in the room because you make others feel like their the most important person in the room. Let’s take a look how these ladies carried a prize mentality to strategically position themselves to be pursued by their future husbands. I wish you could sense my excitement. I just know many of you are about to suddenly cross paths with your Boaz and it’s going to happen, effortlessly. Why? It’s time and because it’s time, you should follow a strategic plan that is biblically proven to work! If you’re familiar with my ministry then you know I’m vocal about how important your faith is to God and how it moves Him to act. Thus, anytime can be God’s time to answer a prayer or perform a miracle. Therefore, any day can be THE DAY your faith moves God’s heart to connect you to blessings including your future spouse.
Now I want to define the term “prize” so you can have a better idea of what that looks like and start seeing yourself as one. According to Merriam-Webster, prize is “something exceptionally desirable.” Once I looked up the meaning, it seemed only right to search the word “mentality” and it’s defined “ as a mode or way of thought.” When we combine the two we get the phrase, “prize mentality,” which is a mindset that one is exceptionally desirable.” What does this mean? You’re valuable and are a sought after soul. Who you are is what someone is praying for.
Let’s first look at prize mentality through the love story of Rebekah and Isaac. You can read it in its entirety in Genesis 24. Here I want to simplify the nuggets I learned from her story to help us single women see ourselves as the prize and our role as positioners.
Rebekah is described as a beautiful woman but when you read her story in Genesis 24, that is not what led her to Isaac. In fact, the matchmaker of this love story was Abraham and his servant. Yes, God’s hand is all over it but literally speaking, Abraham’s servant went to select a wife for his master’s son, Isaac. I want to bring verse 5 to your attention:
““The servant asked him, “What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?””
As you read the following verses you will learn that the servant prays to God to reveal the woman that is to be Isaac’s wife by telling God to make her “draw water for him and his camels” ( v14). As you read further, the Bible says the Lord did it like He prayed. Now, here is what I want for us to focus on.
Rebekah wasn’t chosen because of her beauty but her generosity. Her willingness to give water to the servant and his (ten of them!) camels with a cheerful heart. This is important for us to learn from as singles because it reveals that being generous and obedient attracts blessings and favor. It remind us beauty is not enough to keep us engaged with someone if we’re not open to serve others, even those who are strangers to us. This servant didn’t know Rebekah and neither did she know him, yet she didn’t let that stop her from making herself available to bless him with what she had. Rebekah realize during that time she was desirable because no one else had what the servant needed. No other women was present or perhaps no other women was willing to extend her hand to give water to this servant. What does this mean for you? Maybe in this season of singleness God wants you to make yourself available and bless others who are in need of what He’s given you. Maybe it’s the season God wants you to leave your house to draw water. He wants you to go to a new location because there His servant is asking Him to reveal you. Are you willing to make yourself available to serve in this season? Are you willing to leave your hometown and family like Rebekah did without hesitating if it’s God’s plan? As we shared in our podcast series, Rebekah didn’t hesitate and went with the servant to be united to her future husband, Isaac. If she didn’t go, she would have lost the chance to meet Him. You see, two have to be an agreement in order to enter a relationship. Therefore, because she agreed to go and meet Isaac she found favor to become his wife.
Similar to Rebekah we see Ruth had a prize mentality and also she was very engaged in the season she was in. These women did not remain stagnant in their singleness but were actively serving and for Ruth, she knew her service would ultimately cause someone to favor her. I encourage you to read the book of Ruth. For now, let’s read Ruth 2:2:
“Let me go to the fields and pick the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.”
In this verse I want us to appreciate Ruth’s determination. It’s like she knew if she went to the grain field she would receive favor but if she stayed in the house with Naomi every day, their situation would stay the same. Some of us believe if we stay in the same environment we will meet new people or earn more money for our hard work. We expect to be seen when those around us are familiar with who we are to them; but not who we are in God. So, why do we expect to be found by our suitable partner where everyone there is not suitable for us? Or does not want to pursue a woman who knows that she’s the prize and not an item? My prayer is that you would walk confidently knowing because of who you are you won’t get overlooked. The person that recognize our value is the person who is willing to favor us and pursue us. As you read in your spare time, you’ll realize Boaz didn’t favor Ruth because of her appearance but her good name, how she treated others, and her resilience! A lot of people assume he did because he approached her, first. No, the truth is, her good name and good deeds reached him, first! This led him to pursue her.
I don’t what you ladies to feel like you don’t have any say on who gets to pursue you since it’s expected for “men to pursue women” not the other way around. We see Rebekah and Ruth did partner their faith with action to receive favor and attract the person who was willing to see their value and do something about it! My single sisters some of you feel like no one is pursuing you because you’re unattractive. I beg to differ, truth is many find you attractive but they’re not man enough to claim you as their prize. In your free time, as you read Ruth, you will find out that a relative of Boaz, who is closer in line to marry Ruth and purchase Naomi’s late husband property rejects the offer. Do you think it’s because Ruth was unattractive? HECK NO! Whenever the Bible clearly STATES a woman was beautiful you BETTER BELIEVE SHE WAS. Sisters that man didn’t pursue Ruth because He wasn’t man enough! He wasn’t ready or willing to be a husband . DO Y’ALL HEAR ME, LADIES? Well, the story ends with Boaz marrying Ruth and I bet you can see, why. Boaz was attracted to Ruth but unlike the relative, He didn’t keep it to himself, he proclaimed it in front of witnesses by marrying her! I’m sure the other guy was attracted to her but didn’t love her enough to marry her—Mmm
Esther like the other two women knew she was the prize. She had a prize mentality from the start and it worked in her favor since she became queen. To give you a quick overview, Esther was the last woman to ever become queen since she was a Jew, an orphan, and poor to say the least. Her upbringing and background did not give her any edge among the other girls in line to replace queen Vashti. But similar to Ruth and Rebekah, Esther knew she was exceptional because of how she was brought up by her cousin, Mordecai. Mordecai trained her in the ways of God and she was obedient to him up unto her Adulthood. Her submissive nature is the reason why she attracted favor with king Xerxes servants and later the king himself. It’s important for us to note Vashti lost her crown because she didn’t know how to be submissive like Esther. Vashti didn’t know how to humble herself to her former husband and neither was she welcoming to the eunuchs in the King’s palace. This contrast had nothing to do with their beauty but their character! According to Scripture, Vashti was gorgeous and her beauty is what attracted the king to her the most. In the end, she let it go over head and caused the king to despise her. Why? Her beauty did not leave any room for Vashti to respect or love her husband. It only left room for her to be stubborn and self-centered! Once the king made up his mind to separate himself from Vashti he was ready to welcome a queen who was willing to serve and honor him, and not just herself. The king saw that an Esther similar to Boaz, everyone seemed fond of her because of her loving, welcoming, and selfless nature. You see this time, the king was attracted to a woman beyond her beauty. I believe He found Esther more attractive than all the other women because of her heart and humility. Though she was beautiful she didn’t let that define her. Esther was more concerned on being beautiful on the inside, in her attitude, actions, willingness to obey Mordecai, stand up for her people, and remember them once she became queen!
If you’ve read this far you see a pattern, here. You’ll see it again with the Proverbs 31 Woman. I recommend you read the entire chapter during your free time. For now, let’s briefly discuss her attributes. She was seen as her husband’s crown. It had to do with her calling, purpose, and how she put them to use to provide for loved ones. Her readiness to be there for her husband and her children and making sure they were taken care of. Through her story we don’t see the image of a wife being a slave to her husband. Instead, we see a women who recognizes she is her husband’s suitable partner! A partner’s role is to serve, sharpen, and build another. As you read Proverbs 31, you can see the dynamics of their relationship. The husband praises His wife for who she is and the value she brings to her entire family and those around her. This man sees that the Proverbs 31 Woman is God’s favor to him. My christian single ladies, if you’re talking to or seeing someone that does not see you in that light, he is not your husband. In this season God wants to connect many of His daughters to their husband but they’re not willing to release someone else’s. You don’t want to let go of a person you believe is the only man you’ll ever attract or the only one who potentially will propose to you. Do you really believe God doesn’t have someone beyond your expectations? Haven’t the stories of Rebekah, Ruth, and Esther convince you that God gives us more than we could ask for even when it comes to our desires for a mate?
Ladies: in this season don’t limit God’s hand. Understand that who God has for you will meet your standards and also exceed them. This includes your conviction to wait for marriage to be intimate with your future spouse. Like Jacob, there is a man out there who will wait until they marry you to be intimate because they love you not the gift of sex that comes with marriage. For my single guys who will stumble upon this post please read Jacob’s courtship journey with Rachel in Genesis 29-20-35. Follow the examples of the men we discussed throughout this blog post and our episodes on “Mastering Singlehood Podcast.” These are the men God is looking to give His daughters’ hand in marriage. If you’re wanting to pursue and marry a Christian woman you’ll only find her in Christ!
From that being said….. single sisters! Here’s a recap of what we learned regarding these women and how they had prize mentality.
Rebecca, Ruth, Esther, & the proverbs 31 woman were beautiful as the Bible describes them. However, their beauty came second place to their faithful, loving, noble, courageous, wise, and generous character.
You see though Rebecca was beautiful, if she didn’t do what the servant had asked in his prayer to the Lord, she wouldn’t have been chosen to be the wife of Isaac.
You see though Ruth was beautiful, if she didn’t treat her mother-in-law with love and respect, If she didn’t work with passion in the grain field, if she was unkind to her co-workers, she wouldn’t have received favor from Boaz & became his wife.
You see though Esther was beautiful, if she was self-centered and stubborn, she wouldn’t have found favor with the eunuch, everyone in the King’s palace, and be crowned queen. (Something that was missing in Vashti’s world).
The proverbs 31 woman, was not a crown to her husband because of her looks, but because of her prudence.
When you have these characteristics & you walk them out genuinely, you’re the most attractive person and the one who recognize that about you, will refuse to pass up the opportunity to pursue you. Fellas, learn from Boaz, King Xerxes & Jacob.
So, will YOU decide to use the prize mentality? All three women made a decision. Yes, a decision is connected to meeting your king!
Rebekah—-decided to go outside, then she also decided to go with Abraham’s servant to meet Isaac.
Ruth—decided to leave and follow Naomi back to her homeland. She also decided to go to the grain field, follow Naomi’s advice, and won the heart of Boaz.
Esther—decided to leave her village, obey Mordecai’s suggestion to join the group of virgins to potentially replace Vashti and help set her people free. Later she obeyed (followed) the eunuchs suggestions and her humility made them favor her. As a result, she won favor in the sight of the king more than the other virgins and became queen.
Proverbs 31 Woman decided to be a life partner and use her gifts to bless her, her husband, their children, and others.
These women won favor because of their….
These three principles or actions ushered in favor for them to be sought after or appear more radiant among the rest!
I’m confident if you mediate/follow these biblical insights, trust God while you wait and partner with faith, you will go from SINGLE to being sought after! Trust me, the Lord won’t disappoint you or put you to shame. For those of you who’ve been trusting, praying, believing, and taking the necessary actions, remain encouraged! God sees it all and will do it for you like He did it for Rebekah, Ruth, Esther, Proverbs 31 Woman, your sister, and everyone else He’s connected to their future spouses. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE IT, SIS! Please don’t hesitate to share the good news with me on social media, or via email down below. One more thing! Here’s additional scriptures and key terms to keep in mind as you embrace your role as a POSITIONER!!!
———additional scriptures to read———-
Key terms/characteristics these women possessed:
Noble character, Eager, Goal-oriented, Visionary, Generous, Ready, Strong, Integral, Wise, Faithful, Caring, Active, Fears God, Dedicated, Skillful, Producer, Excellent, Consistent, Beautiful (inside/out), Knowledgeable, Available, Engaging, Unapologetic, Submissive, Loving, Exceptional, Prize, Strategic.
You’re the prize, don’t forget it!
Listen to the series via Mastering Singlehood Podcast